I realized that in pouring all my energies into caring for Ginger from November 2011 until her passing on August 21 that my grieving had begun from the first day of the diagnosis of the cancerous tumor. In a strange way it had actually begun months before when she had not been feeling well, had "not been herself". Then, after going through those agonizing months of "the journey", after her passing on August 21st 2012 and after the memorial service in September; only then did the true reality of her loss really settle on me and in me. In looking back I now know that during that entire time of caring for her, and with that feeling of losing her, I was also losing myself. I didn't focus on work. Although I tried to keep up my exercise routine it was a half hearted effort. All I really wanted was "find a way" to save her./////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Now, APRIL 1, 2013, I move forward, knowing Ginger is happy to "see" me doing so, knowing she would have wanted it this way, knowing she always supported me and encouraged me, and challenged me, in the loving way we all hope those who love us will support us and challenge us to be the best we can be. I find myself getting stronger, mentally, physically spiritually. I find myself returning to the faith, trust and metaphysical foundations of my younger years but now with a new wisdom and with a certainty of purpose. It is a rediscovery of who I am, what is important to me, and what I want. Through my exercise program, my work, my embrace of nature and through personal encounters I am beginning to experience my LIFE renewed. The UNIVERSE is talking to me; There are no coincidences. The past, present and future are interconnected. All matter and all life are interconnected. The beauty of nature, that I love so much, is as much a part of me as I am of it. Everything that is important to me is based on love. Love of beauty, love of music, love of people, love of animals, love of romance. Love of life. As a consequence I move now to a higher plain of existence. I enthusiastically embrace that which comes naturally to me and that which I am destined to experience. I have absolute faith in who I am , how I am, and where I am going. I am living "in the moment". Every moment is filled with wonder and beauty. I admit I still have my momentary breakdowns over Ginger, yet I recover faster and in those times she is there talking to me, helping me through my pain, reminding me that "there won't be a pitty party here". ( one of her beautiful expressions of grace and dignity ). So these moments are not sad depressed moments but incidents of joy where I feel such gratitude for having had her in my daily life. I am going to be "OK". I now remember and re-embrace that my purpose here is one of giving, to others, in kindness and understanding, being patient with others, and with myself, and being a certain influential catalyst for positive change, within and without, as well as being a nutrient for growth in myself and in others. In this I am renewed and restored and exhuberant, vivacious and enthusiastic in my living and in my future.
Monday, April 1, 2013
NEW BEGINNINGS - NEW AWAKENINGS
I realized that in pouring all my energies into caring for Ginger from November 2011 until her passing on August 21 that my grieving had begun from the first day of the diagnosis of the cancerous tumor. In a strange way it had actually begun months before when she had not been feeling well, had "not been herself". Then, after going through those agonizing months of "the journey", after her passing on August 21st 2012 and after the memorial service in September; only then did the true reality of her loss really settle on me and in me. In looking back I now know that during that entire time of caring for her, and with that feeling of losing her, I was also losing myself. I didn't focus on work. Although I tried to keep up my exercise routine it was a half hearted effort. All I really wanted was "find a way" to save her./////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Now, APRIL 1, 2013, I move forward, knowing Ginger is happy to "see" me doing so, knowing she would have wanted it this way, knowing she always supported me and encouraged me, and challenged me, in the loving way we all hope those who love us will support us and challenge us to be the best we can be. I find myself getting stronger, mentally, physically spiritually. I find myself returning to the faith, trust and metaphysical foundations of my younger years but now with a new wisdom and with a certainty of purpose. It is a rediscovery of who I am, what is important to me, and what I want. Through my exercise program, my work, my embrace of nature and through personal encounters I am beginning to experience my LIFE renewed. The UNIVERSE is talking to me; There are no coincidences. The past, present and future are interconnected. All matter and all life are interconnected. The beauty of nature, that I love so much, is as much a part of me as I am of it. Everything that is important to me is based on love. Love of beauty, love of music, love of people, love of animals, love of romance. Love of life. As a consequence I move now to a higher plain of existence. I enthusiastically embrace that which comes naturally to me and that which I am destined to experience. I have absolute faith in who I am , how I am, and where I am going. I am living "in the moment". Every moment is filled with wonder and beauty. I admit I still have my momentary breakdowns over Ginger, yet I recover faster and in those times she is there talking to me, helping me through my pain, reminding me that "there won't be a pitty party here". ( one of her beautiful expressions of grace and dignity ). So these moments are not sad depressed moments but incidents of joy where I feel such gratitude for having had her in my daily life. I am going to be "OK". I now remember and re-embrace that my purpose here is one of giving, to others, in kindness and understanding, being patient with others, and with myself, and being a certain influential catalyst for positive change, within and without, as well as being a nutrient for growth in myself and in others. In this I am renewed and restored and exhuberant, vivacious and enthusiastic in my living and in my future.
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