MOMENTS OF INSPIRATION

I turned 16 in July, the summer before my Junior year in high school. I played basketball and had played junior varsity my sophomore year, although the coach had "suited me up" for the varsity team, mainly because I was 6'3" and he saw some potential. That summer I was working very hard on my game, practicing daily, and I had a secret goal. I wanted to dunk a basketball. Most of my summer play was on outdoor, concrete courts. I couldn't get much spring off the hard surface. I was barely able to get my fingers over the rim with a two step leap - Right foot forward then I'd spring off my left foot. I decided to start by trying to dunk a tennis ball. I was doing leg exercises, jumping over and over, doing squats with a teammate on my back, anything to build up my jumping ability. Our basketball coach opened the gym so we could practice indoors. One day, while practicing dunking the tennis ball I was able to get the ball, on the tips of my fingers, over the rim. I was thrilled. I had actually dunked a tennis ball!. Now I was ready to move on to a volleyball. I could grip a volleyball with my right hand. Now all I needed to do was get enough of my fingers over the rim. Sure enough in a couple weeks I dunked a volleyball. I was ready to dunk a basketball, but there was a slight problem. I had just average size hands. I could not grip a basketball in my fingers. A friend suggested I try something pro bowlers used called "Pro-Grip". It was a little like glue for your fingers. I still couldn't grip the ball but when I jumped the ball stuck to my fingers. Day after day, week after week I tried dunking the ball. I was getting closer. I could tell my exercises and leg strength was improving. Also, the timing of my jumping was getting better. I was starting to feel like I was actually "soaring" through the air. My body seemed to "hang" a little longer at the rim. Now, it was late summer, almost September, and near the start of my Junior year. For some reason I felt very energized that morning, happy, and strong. I didn't try jumping or dunking. I just shot baskets for a couple hours. It was a hot day outside. I had worked up a good sweat. I was ready to leave the gym. On my way toward the locker room I dribbled the ball toward the glass backboard. I made my right foot/left foot jumping step, springing off my left foot. Suddenly, I felt myself rising, gliding easily higher than I ever had before. Not only did my fingers make it above the rim, my entire right wrist was above the rim. At the top of my jump, perfectly timed with the ball squarely in my fingers and palm, I slammed the ball down through the net. I couldn't believe it. I was giddy with excitement. I was gasping at myself in amazement. The ease of it. How amazing it felt to float that high. How was it possible that suddenly I jumped 4 to 5 inches higher than I had ever jumped before? I raced around the court to try it again. This time I made it even higher and dunked the ball through again. I couldn't believe it. My mind raced with this almost magical feeling. Within a week I was able to jump with my forearm ( between my wrist and elbow) above the rim. Soon after that I could touch my elbow on the rim. I began to dunk with two hands, then two hands over my head, backwards. It was a thrilling achievement for me, because that had been such a big goal of mine. Looking back, I see that mysterious breakthrough as a Moment of Inspiration. One in which I was very relaxed, highly energized, happy, but not particularly focused on achieving the goal. It felt effortless. It seemed to happen naturally. When the moment of inspiration came, I was ready, felt confident. After that moment I always knew, that I could and would achieve that particular "level" of achievement again and again. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ In thinking back on that special time in my youth, and looking at various events in my life, where moments of inspiration have seemed to deliver a "leap" forward, I discovered that most people seem to have had experiences where they reached a "plateau" and felt that they were not moving forward. Some people give up, or stop at this point, but others continue toward their goal, often realizing a special moment where time stands still for an instant, but they move forward, often in a unique moment as if a hand reaches down and pulls them up to a higher level. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I recently watched a race where, previously, this girl had run her best mile time of 5:37. In this National event she started out with the pack, but suddenly at the half mile mark she began accelerating away from everyone. Many people, including myself, thought she might "burn out" and fall back in with the herd, yet she kept on pulling away. By the last lap she had a 200 yard lead over everyone. What was really astonishing was that she finished with a time of 5:04. That was 33 seconds faster than her previous fastest time. Was it a moment of inspiration for her? _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ In the Moment of Inspiration things seem to flow effortlessly for the person who is achieving something creative or some new level of performance. An author struggles for an idea. Suddenly ideas are flowing thru him and he is scribbling frantically to capture the words and images that are flowing freely as if from a fountain. When Michaelangelo was asked how he had created the Statue of David out of single block of Marble, it is reported that he replied that he had not carved the image. Instead, in his mind, he saw the image, incased in the stone. He was inspired to chip away the excess rock to reveal the statue that was already there. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Maybe that is the true magic of moments of inspiration. If we can get out of our own way, we may be able to realize a dream in a different or unique way. Maybe by letting go of our determination to control the outcome, we allow a kind of energy to take over. An energy that is much more powerful than we are, and one that harnesses our true ability to achieve greatness. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Whatever power is behind the magic of Moments of Inspiration I believe that in order to "tap into" this great and mysterious resource, within us, we must first lay the ground work, and position ourselves for the moment to appear. WE do this through hard work, through living and thinking "right", preparing for the moment to flow through us. And I believe that every success, every failure, every setback is part of our future success. We must go through trials, in order to achieve what is meant to be. We must feed our soul, mind with positive images, and positive self talk. We must have the expectation that success is our destiny.

Love will come to us if we will let it in

To be loved is a gift beyond all others. The universe is entirely about love. Love is the heartbeat of life. I was blessed to be loved in a way that made me feel special, made me feel as a man needs to feel, made me feel assured and confident in her dedication to me as the most important person in her life. And, I loved her in the same way. She was my everything. I delighted in acts of kindness and gifts of grace and goodness to her every day. Sometimes a wink across the room, a call to her for lunch, easing her worry about some little thing, encouraging her to wear the red dress, reminding her how beautiful she was then and now. Verbal flowers, a gentle kiss, spooning in bed, and always putting her first before everyone and everything. This depth of love and intimacy didn't come overnight. Love takes time to learn about each other, develop trust, find common ground, make little sacrifices for each other, learn each others dreams, be patient with each other. Forgiveness is the gift of the grace of an open minded, open heart and putting her well being first, above all others including self. I was honored to adore her. When one knows the depth of love possible it is not difficult to dream that it may come around the next corner or bend in the road someday. Be open hearted to love. And be ready to be loved. That was then, and then I lost her. Lost her to sickness. Loved her in health and then in the reality of sickness. Dedicated myself to her during those difficult days. And then she was gone. I was alone. I accepted that I would probably never have that kind of love again, that depth of intimacy, that closeness that beauty of kindness. And yet, it came to me again. A beautiful woman. A brilliant, kind and giving woman who had the same grace of goodness, kindness and selfless attitude. Good fortunate? Providence? Destiny? I like to think that we each have angels waiting in the wings to bestow love upon us. We must be open to the possibility of love. Love is all around us waiting to discover us, if we are willing and open to the beauty of its presence in us and in others around us.

Five year Update - Quick Version

AS much for myself as anyone here is a recap of some of the highlights of the past Five + years, since losing my late wife, Ginger in August 2012. Of course I grieved my loss and our loss of each other. Against all advice I sold our Huntington Beach home, and our Palm Springs Home and bought a permanent home in Rancho Mirage, a neighboring town to Palm Springs. I continued my work in commercial finance in the sports and entertainment Fields. In that role I traveled and was busy. When home I dated some, dabbled in a few relationships but nothing serious. I established a memorial bench as a tribute to Ginger, at the beach in Huntington Beach. I hiked, worked out, lost weight, decorated and designed the new house in Rancho Mirage. Then I stopped dating and determined to live in some solitude. I visited my kids in Washington State, saw the grandkids and invited them to come to the desert whenever they may. I felt good about a new and growing relationship with my youngest daughter Nichol and her son Devin, but also with my other grandkids Abby, Zach, Raine and Cannon. Then along came Pam. I met her on a "senior people" dating website. We talked for a few months, then when she was on a trip to the desert, we met for dinner. We hit it off. She wanted to teach me golf. Pam was a career operating room nurse, was extremely independent and didn't "need" a man. But she was also very attractive, interesting and kind with a generous demeanor. The fact that she is Canadian was interesting. Soon we were sharing a commuter romance. Pam commuting to the desert on weekends from her home/work in Woodland, California ( Sacramento). It got more serious and I got "cold feet" but still it progressed. I told her that I didn't want to marry again. She was fine with that. I slowly warmed to the golf. We took a few trips, then I started to miss her more on the weeks and weekends that she wasn't here. When Pam was about a year from retirement we started talking about moving in together to my house. Pam had been planning on buying her own house in Palm Springs. Now we began talking about buying an 2nd house as an investment together. On a weekend in October I told Pam that maybe I would not resist getting married again. She said she wouldn't mind being married again either. In December of that year we flew to Las Vegas and were married. Her brother Stan was the best man. I didn't know it then but Stan would end up moving to RAncho Mirage and become my golfing partner. Pam continued to work in Sacramento and fly back and forth on weekends. I would drive out to Ontario airport on Friday nights and take her back to the airport on Sunday's. Of course this grew old after a while, but she was worth it. She was fun and easy to be with. We were relaxed comfortable together. Finally came Pam's retirement date and I flew up to Sacramento to help her pack and move her things to the Rancho Mirage house. We settled in. We made trips to visit my kids and grandkids in the Seattle area. They all embraced Pam and where enthusiastic about our relationship. Soon it was time for my retirement. My final day was September 1, 2017. That August Pam arranged for us to take a cruise to Alaska. Great fun and I learned that I might like cruising. Pam's brother Stan had moved to the desert and was now renting our condo in Mission Hills Country club, which was across the street from our Rancho Mirage house. Stan had semi retired and we began playing a lot of golf. Stan's a great golfer and took me under his wing, although I'm sure he was bored with my poor play at times. He never complained though. Near December 2017 Pam spotted a great deal on a house in Mission Hills Country Club. It was older, but situated on a perfect spot, on the lake and just off the 3rd green of the famous Dinah Shore Tournament course. To be able to be "on the water" and on the golf course would be a dream come true. Pam approached Stan and asked if he would be interested in buying our condo. After a few days he stated "yes" , in fact he was interested. Within a few weeks we were in the process of selling to Stan. Now we made an "offer" on the Mission Hills house, which needed a tremendous amount of improvements and upgrades. To our surprise we got the house at our price and before we knew it we were in Escrow and destined to close soon after completing the sale of our condo to Stan. Now we complicated our lives further. We decided to put the Rancho Mirage ( Mission Point) house up for sale. I figured it would take eight to nine months to sell. We were shocked when in the 3rd week we got a "full price" offer, on the condition that the buyer could move in within 30 days. OMG what do we do. Of course we scrambled to get everything out of the house. We jumped through hoops to do all of the "fix its" that the buyer required. Yet, our new house was now under renovation. We had no place to live!!! To add to all this chaos, when we sold our condo to Stan it was with the proviso that we had already rented that unit to our Canadian friends Bob and Doreen. So as soon as Stan took possession of his house he was kicked out in lieu of our neighbors. Add to that jinx. Stan's son Andy had just moved from Toronto and was living with his dad. Pam and I felt obligated to help them find a place to stay. So here we go to Air B&B, and motels for a few weeks. Finally the contractor reached a point with our "new" ( old) house (the lake house) where we could sort of "move in" but there was no plumbing and no kitchen for several weeks. Well there was a single toilet and a temporary sink set up but we had to get out every day for all of the dust and power tool work that was going on. To make this long story short, finally it all got completed. Bob and Doreen finished there two month vacation and returned to Midland, Canada. Stan and Andy moved back into Stan's new condo and Pam and I settled into our new digs along the lake. It has been a crazy adventure. Now back to golf and in the next blog I'll give some photos of the before, during and after work that we went though in renovating "this old house".

Love And Be Loved Again

Early AM Saturday May 19, 2018. The house is dark, quiet except for the slight tinkle of the wind chimes hung on the eves over the patio facing the lake. Its been four years since my last post. For a long time I thought about writing, but couldn't. Then I felt I had nothing to say. Then life moved on, I got busy, and maybe felt there was no one who cared to listen. But Life has been good to me. I have been very lucky, fortunate lucky. For a long time I felt that I would never feel that happiness that I had felt with Ginger, ever again, but then it happened. Love found me and I fell in love again. It wasn't over-night, it was gradual. I was cautious. I had held back for a while. Then I dabbled in dating. I resisted any real closeness. Then I put up walls and determined to be alone. When I had made the decision that i would be alone the rest of my life - that is when love came knocking. Her name is Pam. She saw things in me that I could not see in myself. She didn't try to fix me or change me or move me. She just came along and understood me. AND, she had room in her heart for my relationship with Ginger. That is what really opened me up to the possibility of love. Pam was so loving and kind that she could accept that I would always have, need, want Ginger in my life. Pam's maturity allowed her to see that my relationship with Ginger was something within me, but not a threat to her. Pam's big heart was big enough for me AND for Ginger. Over these four years Pam's understanding and openness has only increased. Even in our new home, Pam suggests that we have angels for Ginger in our lemon tree. She encourages me to keep Ginger's picture in my office. She fully understands my need to keep certain keepsakes. All these things endear Pamela all the more to me and allows me to love Pam deeply, separately and with a deep respect and adoration, in the same ways I admired and adored Ginger. In fact , as different as Pam and Ginger are, they are more alike than I could ever have imagined. I believe they would have been fast friends and comfortable companions. I have no doubt that Ginger from her place in the great unknown orchestrated this wonderful romance and relationship that Pam and I share. I know that Ginger was deeply concerned about my being alone and maybe about being with the wrong person. I am convinced that Ginger is delighted and is now at peace that I am well taken care of in this relationship in this world. Some day maybe we will all be together. There are may times when I smile to myself and think "Ginger must be looking down on me smiling, laughing at my good fortune and happy times. She liked to say "everything is going to be OK". And things are OK. More than OK. Things are great. Ginger is always with me and never far from my thoughts. And Pam is here now making my life so filled with bliss and joy and happiness, too. I have much to be thankful for.

WHEN FACING THE END OF HER LIFE - SHE SMILED AT ME.AND HELD ON TO HOPE

It was exactly two years ago that I brought GINGER home from the hospital for the last time. It had only been five months since they had detected the cancer. She had already been through rough treatments including the severe radiation for nearly 25 days straight. It had burned her terribly and to the point where I didn't believe she could take any more. Also she had been through the chemo "therapy", which is devastating. Her kidneys were not functioning well. She was having constant problems with dehydration and various other issues, as so many colon cancer patients do. When I brought her home the hospital in May they had done a colostomy procedure. Ginger had accepted the procedure as something that would help her get through this period. We were both grateful for the relief and dignity saving affect that that medical procedure/device had. It helped me to help her in so many ways. It brought peace to her days and nights and allowed her to rest more comfortably. My mind keeps returning to the minutes and hours of those days. In the weeks and months leading up to May there had been so many trips to the hospital, to the emergency or to the infusion clinic for blood or hydration treatments. Ginger was so courageous and determined, so strong, and so hopeful. She never gave up. She wasn't a loud or boisterous person. Ginger was forever gracious. Right to the end she was a kind, giving and loving angel of a woman. Tonight I find myself looking at pictures. I had always taken and kept many pictures of her, and us together, earlier in our marriage, when we were young and "pretty". Well, she was beautiful. I was "OK', but if you were impressed at all with me it was because I was standing next to her and she made me look brilliant. Ginger never traded on her good looks. In recent days I find myself coming back to just a half dozen photos that I took in her final 3 months, when it looked like she was doing better and might find a way to beat this thing. Ginger didn't want to talk about death. She didn't admit she was dying up until almost the very end, and except for the last 3 weeks she never appeared to be deathly ill. So she did not object to me taking a few photos of her and us. To me these photos are remarkable for how well and "normal" she looks. And, in fact when I was with her at that time, I could not accept that she might be gone from me in less than 90 days. One of the nurses at the chemo-center said "Ginger always presents well".......meaning that she made it appear that she was doing better than she was. This was one of her trademarks, to always put the focus on others and not herself. She was just that kind of a giving person. There is one photo in particular that I want to post, if only for myself. I need to never forget the grace and goodness for which I was blessed for these 30 years of my life. When I look at this photo she is an Angel. She is gracing me, looking at me with those beautiful and loving eyes. I wish you could have known her. She was truly a good person. And even now, she makes me want to be better. I believe I will forever be inspired and influenced by the way she led her life. I share a picture of her that is so touching to me.

LIVE WITH HOPE AND LOVE AND COURAGE

Whatever the situation, never give up. No matter what your disposition; keep trying, keep doing, keep smiling and keep putting one foot before the other in every endeavor you pursue. Keep giving to others. Never stop encouraging others. They need your hope, your belief, your inspiration. No matter how hard it gets, look up, believe and trust the universe in your destiny. There are moments, days, nights and times when life is trying, difficult, and challenging. Sometimes the burden weighs you down, but know, in your heart, that you must persist, must carry on and do so with your head held high. Be strong. Be determined. Be relentless in pursuit of your goals and ideals. In pursuit of happiness show your commitment to a life well lived. Seek to maximize your potential and the potential of others around you. We never know how one sincerely said kind word will lift the spirit of another, just at that exact moment that they need it. That little act of kindness will lift our own spirit too. Self esteem is born in the moments of nurturing ones own spirit. Never forgot your uniqueness in the universe. There is no one else exactly like you. You are special. You are filled with love. You are Love. You radiate love. No matter what, always remember you are loved. At those moments of loss, when it seems so bleak, it is extremely hard to see hope, yet hope is born in our darkest hours. We are meant to live in hope, belief, trust, kindness, love and with a spirit of endurance. Those we love and who love us see hope in us. They wish us to succeed, to live happily every moment of our lives. So Give to yourself. Be filled with Grace and love and kindness to yourself and to others. RIM 5-1-14

TRAVERSING THE UNIVERSE ON THE BUMP AND GRIND TRAIL

The "bump and grind" trail, in the hills above Palm Desert, is considered a "moderate" exercise workout for some and a somewhat strenuous climb for others. I would put myself in the latter category but I love the trail and the panoramic vistas of the Coachella Valley that come with the trudging and trekking. This week I climbed the trail again and through the twists and turns and winding and ups and downs I noticed that the recent rains had produced a flurry of green growth. The desperate brown dust gray of summer giving way to a green hew of autumn emergence. The mountain and the desert valley below is cooling down. As I walk the trail, sometimes breathless from the steepness, and at other times simply serene walking pleasure, I am reminded of how the journey is a euphemism for my life. One step at a time, sometimes short steps, sometimes bigger steps, but always one step at a time. Sometimes stepping with uncertainty, sometimes with solid confidence I trek forward. At times I can not look up for taking care to watch the path for jutting rocks or craggy roots or any other unknowns. Sometimes, when I do look up I can't see around the next bend, not knowing what is there, my curiosity and determination take me forward. The vast clear sky above on most days, can witness forbidding clouds on others. One doesn't know what the changes in weather might bring or how a flash flood might wash down on me. As I climb further up the trail, I recognize and feel my aloneness, on the trail, and in life. Yet I see not only the footsteps of those who have gone before me, but I often cross paths with other travelers each on their own journey, their own thoughts, their own concerns, their own hopes and dreams carried silently with them as they traverse the trail up and round and right and left and up some more then down then up then back and forth and up once more. At points of mystic view I stop and marvel at the picturesque lush green valley below, the silence and the serenity. A quiet confidence builds in me as I traverse the well worn trail. Finally, after the last dusty steps, the last of the ancient rounded boulders are passed on the last turn of an endless climb, I reach the top, a stark plateau of maybe 30 yards across. Someone has arranged large rocks on the side of the mountain to the west to spell G O D. At one side of the plateau, near where I stand, there is a small arrangement of a cross. Bending over the rocks an older athletic woman ( older than me, but she is terribly well conditioned ) with a large yellow visor hat is arranging and praying and giving thanks, maybe for her life, her love, her health. I turn to the east and gaze out at the vast green valley below me and thank the Universe, the source, the God. I am the fortunate one. I have all this. I have family and love and nature and beauty. I hear the music of birds, the smell of clover and am witness to the oranges and reds of a rising sun. Thank you Universe for my life. I will keep on trekking with hopes and dreams and love of life. I will do so with exuberance and passion and love, for this is how I live my life with curiosity, adventure, joy and love in my heart.