WHEN FACING THE END OF HER LIFE - SHE SMILED AT ME.AND HELD ON TO HOPE

It was exactly two years ago that I brought GINGER home from the hospital for the last time. It had only been five months since they had detected the cancer. She had already been through rough treatments including the severe radiation for nearly 25 days straight. It had burned her terribly and to the point where I didn't believe she could take any more. Also she had been through the chemo "therapy", which is devastating. Her kidneys were not functioning well. She was having constant problems with dehydration and various other issues, as so many colon cancer patients do. When I brought her home the hospital in May they had done a colostomy procedure. Ginger had accepted the procedure as something that would help her get through this period. We were both grateful for the relief and dignity saving affect that that medical procedure/device had. It helped me to help her in so many ways. It brought peace to her days and nights and allowed her to rest more comfortably. My mind keeps returning to the minutes and hours of those days. In the weeks and months leading up to May there had been so many trips to the hospital, to the emergency or to the infusion clinic for blood or hydration treatments. Ginger was so courageous and determined, so strong, and so hopeful. She never gave up. She wasn't a loud or boisterous person. Ginger was forever gracious. Right to the end she was a kind, giving and loving angel of a woman. Tonight I find myself looking at pictures. I had always taken and kept many pictures of her, and us together, earlier in our marriage, when we were young and "pretty". Well, she was beautiful. I was "OK', but if you were impressed at all with me it was because I was standing next to her and she made me look brilliant. Ginger never traded on her good looks. In recent days I find myself coming back to just a half dozen photos that I took in her final 3 months, when it looked like she was doing better and might find a way to beat this thing. Ginger didn't want to talk about death. She didn't admit she was dying up until almost the very end, and except for the last 3 weeks she never appeared to be deathly ill. So she did not object to me taking a few photos of her and us. To me these photos are remarkable for how well and "normal" she looks. And, in fact when I was with her at that time, I could not accept that she might be gone from me in less than 90 days. One of the nurses at the chemo-center said "Ginger always presents well".......meaning that she made it appear that she was doing better than she was. This was one of her trademarks, to always put the focus on others and not herself. She was just that kind of a giving person. There is one photo in particular that I want to post, if only for myself. I need to never forget the grace and goodness for which I was blessed for these 30 years of my life. When I look at this photo she is an Angel. She is gracing me, looking at me with those beautiful and loving eyes. I wish you could have known her. She was truly a good person. And even now, she makes me want to be better. I believe I will forever be inspired and influenced by the way she led her life. I share a picture of her that is so touching to me.

LIVE WITH HOPE AND LOVE AND COURAGE

Whatever the situation, never give up. No matter what your disposition; keep trying, keep doing, keep smiling and keep putting one foot before the other in every endeavor you pursue. Keep giving to others. Never stop encouraging others. They need your hope, your belief, your inspiration. No matter how hard it gets, look up, believe and trust the universe in your destiny. There are moments, days, nights and times when life is trying, difficult, and challenging. Sometimes the burden weighs you down, but know, in your heart, that you must persist, must carry on and do so with your head held high. Be strong. Be determined. Be relentless in pursuit of your goals and ideals. In pursuit of happiness show your commitment to a life well lived. Seek to maximize your potential and the potential of others around you. We never know how one sincerely said kind word will lift the spirit of another, just at that exact moment that they need it. That little act of kindness will lift our own spirit too. Self esteem is born in the moments of nurturing ones own spirit. Never forgot your uniqueness in the universe. There is no one else exactly like you. You are special. You are filled with love. You are Love. You radiate love. No matter what, always remember you are loved. At those moments of loss, when it seems so bleak, it is extremely hard to see hope, yet hope is born in our darkest hours. We are meant to live in hope, belief, trust, kindness, love and with a spirit of endurance. Those we love and who love us see hope in us. They wish us to succeed, to live happily every moment of our lives. So Give to yourself. Be filled with Grace and love and kindness to yourself and to others. RIM 5-1-14