The biggest lies we tell are not the lies we tell to others but the lies we tell ourselves. I recently met someone who, in my opinion, lives a life of truth. She can be brutally honest and yet she is soft and deep inside. She has many great talents and yet I see honesty as one of her greatest strengths. By being herself and living with integrity and character she has helped me understand my faults and some changes I needed to make in my view of myself. This person is highly intelligent and doesn't seek to change anyone. She is an inspiration in many ways. There is a "sappy" line from a movie where the girl asks the guy "why do you love me, Jack"? And he says "because you make me want to be a better man"......and the audience laughs because coming from Jack Nicholson in any movie it's about as insincere as it can get.....and yet......when a person cares about you enough to make you want to have more integrity and more character......it must be a good thing and it must be truth in action. Less Lies, more truths and living more honestly.
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In a moment of idleness, I paused to reflect why I find it so fulfilling knowing you as I do through your blog writings. I discovered that quite simply you inspire me to be a better person. For example, my random acts of kindness have doubled since I met you virtually!
This ideal of being a "better person" is something very integral to my happiness. I recall during my divorce that one of the single most distressing realizations was that my husband was not trustworthy. Being presented with undeniable proof that he let me down to such a great magnitude became my personal devastation, oddly not his, as I assumed the shame & guilt which he refused. Quite the typical female reaction.
I had spent many, many years believing in his inherent goodness, willing myself to believe that he was a better person than my ongoing misgivings portended. Later others made it my fault for being "in denial". To accept that the man I chose to be the father of my children turned out to be worse, not better, than I had given him credit for through so many difficulties was very confusing and worse, de-stabilizing.
In the end, I needed to recognize that it was his need to control situations that made him an unlikely spouse and father and prevented him from being this "better" person in the context of his family. However, the other truth is that he is an exemplary friend, it being possible for him to control the amount and timing of his giving to others, with little need to compromise on their terms. It would be useful for me to always think of him in the future as someone's great friend, although not mine. Better or worse is how we are trained to look at life but sometimes the truth presents in shades of grey.
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