Love And Be Loved Again

Early AM Saturday May 19, 2018. The house is dark, quiet except for the slight tinkle of the wind chimes hung on the eves over the patio facing the lake. Its been four years since my last post. For a long time I thought about writing, but couldn't. Then I felt I had nothing to say. Then life moved on, I got busy, and maybe felt there was no one who cared to listen. But Life has been good to me. I have been very lucky, fortunate lucky. For a long time I felt that I would never feel that happiness that I had felt with Ginger, ever again, but then it happened. Love found me and I fell in love again. It wasn't over-night, it was gradual. I was cautious. I had held back for a while. Then I dabbled in dating. I resisted any real closeness. Then I put up walls and determined to be alone. When I had made the decision that i would be alone the rest of my life - that is when love came knocking. Her name is Pam. She saw things in me that I could not see in myself. She didn't try to fix me or change me or move me. She just came along and understood me. AND, she had room in her heart for my relationship with Ginger. That is what really opened me up to the possibility of love. Pam was so loving and kind that she could accept that I would always have, need, want Ginger in my life. Pam's maturity allowed her to see that my relationship with Ginger was something within me, but not a threat to her. Pam's big heart was big enough for me AND for Ginger. Over these four years Pam's understanding and openness has only increased. Even in our new home, Pam suggests that we have angels for Ginger in our lemon tree. She encourages me to keep Ginger's picture in my office. She fully understands my need to keep certain keepsakes. All these things endear Pamela all the more to me and allows me to love Pam deeply, separately and with a deep respect and adoration, in the same ways I admired and adored Ginger. In fact , as different as Pam and Ginger are, they are more alike than I could ever have imagined. I believe they would have been fast friends and comfortable companions. I have no doubt that Ginger from her place in the great unknown orchestrated this wonderful romance and relationship that Pam and I share. I know that Ginger was deeply concerned about my being alone and maybe about being with the wrong person. I am convinced that Ginger is delighted and is now at peace that I am well taken care of in this relationship in this world. Some day maybe we will all be together. There are may times when I smile to myself and think "Ginger must be looking down on me smiling, laughing at my good fortune and happy times. She liked to say "everything is going to be OK". And things are OK. More than OK. Things are great. Ginger is always with me and never far from my thoughts. And Pam is here now making my life so filled with bliss and joy and happiness, too. I have much to be thankful for.