What would our lives be like if we had no challenges, if everything came easily or automatically, if we were not meant to struggle or strain or risk or experience the pain of failure. What would life be like if we didn't need to exert or query or question ourselves, assess our fortitude or drive through the rain, the pain with the persistency to gain an objective, reach a goal and achieve a sense of accomplishment. Life is about overcoming odds, meeting the obstacles that roll into our path each day, facing challenge after challenge. Some experience more and greater challenges than others. Some face challenges with fear and trepidation. Some face challenges with a fierce warrior like determination. Most of us look for the easiest path up the mountain we can find or some tool to leverage in moving the seemingly unmovable boulder in our path. In facing our greatest challenges we forever find ourselves alone, even when surrounded by family and friends and well wishers. And of course our greatest challenge is often our self. We fight ourselves at every turn. We never seem to learn to make it easy on ourselves. We second guess and often choose the wrong path before finally realizing the way we should have gone in the first place. But challenges teach us, they help form our character, they make life worthwhile and remind us that we are on a journey. The best part of us rises to meet challenges. Even when we fail to overcome an obstacle we win in the effort. Embrace challenges for in the effort the best of our self is realized.
4 comments:
I greatly relate to the sentiments
in this essay.
Kathryn-angelsinging
Other than the choice of who we choose as our life companion, the other decision of major importance is where we choose to live. As a young girl, I grew up in a small town in upstate New York. Driving frequently on the thruway, I would often wonder "what was beyond the trees" that lined the highway endlessly. It should then be no surprise that my life arc brought me through Washington, D.C. to The Big Apple. It is funny how at times we just know what we need and I know that I need to be here. For me, living my life in New York City is all about embracing challenges as there might not be a more challenging, dynamic or outrageous city to call home in America. It is true that each city (or place) has its defining characteristics and charm. One can hardly call NYC charming; rather it is a place that is often simply to be endured. Challenges, like NYC, are to be suffered with stoic courage propelling us to the other side, improved and exhilarated. But tell me how not to embrace a city that welcomes the Naked Cowboy, singing in his BVDs in Times Square! What I embrace about my 30 year long love affair with life in New York is its intensity and vibrancy. If you haven't noticed yet, I am an intense person, attaching myself fiercely to that which I love. In this manner, NYC suits me; we are a total fit. I suspect that some people will like or dislike me for this quality the same as they feel about NYC. Whether it is slogging through the crowds, jostling each other for a seat on the subway, braving the crowds at Fairway Market on a Saturday to get the best baby bok choy, or becoming expert at parallel parking, New York requires us daily to "man up" and perform. We New Yorkers veritably earn our red badge of courage just by stepping out of our apartment door. Indeed, living here is not for the faint of heart.
Nowhere in America is there greater diversity which I love for the intoxicating feeling one gets from being exposed to something novel, unknown and unique. This can sometimes be manifest in odd ways such as the homeless man who genuinely offered me the following exclamation as I exited the subway with "I love your hair. You look like Sophia Loren"! Rather than creeping me out, his sincerity brought a smile to my face and I still remember it fondly as an example of the spontaneity present in my daily life. My personal power seemed to expand exponentially as I walked around town for months pretending to be an Italian sex goddess. During my divorce, a major worry was the possible need to sell our apartment. Given all the difficulties with my divorce and the impact on my daughters, it was clearly preferable to maintain some semblance of normalcy and provide continuity. I remember how I became excessively attached to this idea of being able to hold on to this address. Then one day when I was in Queens (dismissively called an outer borough) at the Indian market, I realized how much I love the vibrancy of ethnic neighborhoods. I, unlike others, have zero desire to live in Disney's Celebration Village in Florida or return to what is, for me, the monotony of the suburbs. In the end, I was able to keep my apartment, now housing the riotous jumble of three women with too much stuff in too small a space. However, I also know that when the time comes, I will be able to choose a new neighborhood which might suit my future needs better.
cont'd....
Nonetheless, there are times when I do consider living somewhere else. During my recent trip to London, I also realized how much I miss Europe which appeals to my other sensibilities. I then resolved to figure out how to spend a year living in the three other places that enthuse me: Paris, Rome and perhaps, London. These eminent cities are clearly very distinct in their own right and decidedly different from New York. The appeal of Paris and Rome is undoubtedly linguistic. I can almost not think of any thing better than waking up each morning with the prospect of learning a new word or having a linguistic encounter. (OK, I know that most women would dream of encounters with Italian men...) In my musings, I dream of living in Naples, a city with the same grit and determination and ugly beauty as New York. During my brief stint working for a billionaire, I observed the trappings of great wealth and found the desire for a chauffeur (the ultimate NY luxury) as it looked so appealing up close. I must say that wish passed on to a simpler desire to be challenged intellectually, physically and mentally in my daily existence. I want fervently to wear out rather rust out in my old age. In my advancing years I would like to view my life as an assembly of challenges, each making me a more vibrant person to the very end. Paradoxically, we seem to wish to make our lives easier as we age; driving everywhere, eating to our fill, not being compelled to have employment. I would like to suggest that, for me at least, this is not at all my ideal way to go into the sunset. I am of the opinion that too much ease and complacency makes us age - depriving us of challenge in our quotidian. We would serve ourselves better to keep a quotient of challenge in our daily life - beyond doing the daily crosswords - in order to remain vibrant and, indeed, feeling alive longer.
All this really may sound just a little bit nutty to you Californians (& others) with your ample sunshine, freeways and McMansions! In comparison we suffer crappy weather, ridiculously small apartments and rely on mass transit. Despite all the inconveniences, I cannot really imagine living any place where I am not in walking distance of high quality mozzarella just in case I am overcome with the urge to throw together a caprese salad. Living in NYC is also about having wide open opportunities, all the more important as I embark on my singledom. No where else is there such a wealth of activities to keep me occupied on all levels, making my single status almost irrelevant. This past week I went to a rock concert, the MET for a lecture given my Salman Rushdie and dancing (clubbing, as my daughters would correct me). Here I am free to indulge my passions and no one thinks it's excessive. I am taking advantage of all that life offers me; people and circumstances, taking it to its full expression which always has the potential to result in something beautiful.
cont'd again!
As I search for my life companion, the issue of geography becomes apparent as most have already established deep ties to their families and communities somewhere. Although this is laudable, I think so only to the degree that it doesn't impede our continued evolution. I hope that if the opportunity presents itself for me to get on a plane to Paris that I will not hesitate to do it! Despite the improbability of it all, I still hope to stumble across someone who feels and matches my intensity, gives it back and every day, together, we are left breathless, facing challenges as a compliment to each other. I think that I am resigned to a different type of relationship than the long term marriage I had of 30 years, just as I am committed to living my old age differently than most. I hope that I will now experience the joy of several, maybe many, passionate encounters of people and experiences of an indeterminate length. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone but me. But it's my life and I accept the challenge of the journey, running through the concrete canyons until I am out of breath. So concludes my (very long) ode to New York City.
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