Isolation may undermine our sense of self

I have learned that isolating is a "cover" for me and I don't think it is all good. For some reason I have a tendency to pull back, keep an arms length, turn away, or otherwise seek the shelter of isolation. I think it is an expression of fear or maybe low self-esteem (which is fear). Sometimes I isolate by doing social things. I go to a social event but talk to no one. I visit the bookstore and sit in a corner. I listen to my ipod in the midst of a crowded plane. I find that in much of my work I avoid face to face encounters. Its easier over the telephone or maybe by sending an email. I tend to withdraw from any type of commitment that would take me more than a few minutes. My reading or my writing would appear to be forms of isolating. I think I have always had this tendency to "hide" or to keep to myself. And yet few, even those who know me well, would think that I isolate. I think they would see me as outgoing, engaging and entertaining. I know I have a love of people and in many ways it is easy for me to be around people. But maybe that is the "rub". Maybe it is easier for me to be around people than it is to have them be around me? Maybe it is that part of me where somewhere deep inside I don't feel I can "let them in". I started this blog session with the idea that I would write about isolation. And I now sit and write in isolation. I know it feels "safe" but it also feels lonely on this mountain.

Responsible Self Talk In Difficult Times

These are difficult times for many. The media continues to bombard us with "bad news" every day. It is easy to get caught up in the "doom and gloom". There are difficult stories everywhere and we don't have to look far in our businesses, neighborhoods or families to find examples of people struggling. And while I don't believe in looking at the world through "rose colored glasses" or being a "Pollyanna"....I do believe that our personal and shared destiny will be determined by our bravery, our attitude, our conviction and our actions in the face of adversity. I think its critical that we act professional, with kindness, that we reach out to others and give them hope, that we provide solutions, that we are each a part of the solution and not the problem.

Fear rules many people. Recent polls show a high percentage of Americans have a great fear or dread of losing their jobs. For some people this kind of fear is paralyzing. And yet, we can help each other by encouraging, by pointing out that although we have 8% unemployment we have 92% employment (which you Will never see in USA Today or The New York Times).

A long time ago I learned that saying "I will try" is often a half hearted statement that probably carried with it the expectation of failure, but when I said "I will".....there was a kind of inner commitment that heightened the probability of completion of a task or objective.

In this blog I have talked about Self Talk before, but it feels like now, more than ever positive Self Talk is more important. I encourage everyone, including myself to use: I am, I can, I will and to look for the opportunities to touch others with encouragement and a positive spirit.

IDENFITY PROBLEMS BUT DWELL ON SOLUTIONS

December 2008. This is a time when most us are effected by the difficult economy and circumstances effecting our financial well being. There is a general "fear factor" that is daunting for some some of us and near paralyzing for others. The media seems to focus and dwell on the problems and there appear to be few representatives of hope and belief for a better tomorrow. The choice is ours to either get to work creating solutions or otherwise be left to spend our time dwelling on the problems and rehashing day after day, week after week, who is responsible and why blame or responsibility is not our own. We hope that "somebody" will come up with a solution or deliver an answer for us. Often we spend so much time dwelling our fate that we make a "mountain out of a mole hill. This backward thinking is not unlike when personal problems beset some people. They choose to react dramatically to the problem, sharing with those closest to them their unfortunate fate or circumstance. Some people almost seem to enjoy the attention or pity the receive when they recount their difficulty almost as a hypochondriac feels loved by the attention of those sorrowed by their circumstance. They choose to dwell on the problem over and over and over and exacerbate the "problem" or as my mother used to say "wallow in the mud" (of their dire circumstances). My mother also had an expression "you made your bed now lay in it". She would point out that it was one's own responsibility for their current situation and that it was their responsbility to make a change of it. Certainly The Problem is not the Answer. The answer or resolution to any problem comes only when we move off the problem and onto the business of creating solutions and executing the actions that deliver us from our dilemma. The sooner one gets off the problem and onto the solution the quicker the problem is resolved and the less it impacts our life. So Identify problems but quickly move to dwell on solutions then take action to resolve your situation.

CHOOSE OPTIMISM - OFFER HOPE

It's October, 2008 a time of uncertain, doom and gloom for many caused in part by the actual events effecting the economy including the bank real estate secondary loan debacle, a significant corporate debt overload and a waning economy. The media, as usual, puts a laser focus on every piece of negativity it can find and acts as alarmist and doomsday chronicler in predicting the dourest outcomes and a bleak future for all. I know that many people feel helpless and hopeless in the face of such negative circumstances yet Optimism and Hope is the only way out of our situation. Starting with the principal that you must first believe it to achieve it and understand that each one of us is responsible for our own situation the question is how do you react to bad news, tragic events, loss of equity, a home, a car, savings or a life? It has been said, and I truly believe this, that the quality of a man's life is not about what happens to him but about how he reacts to whatever happens to him. Its about choice. The choices are endless. You can jump out the window. You can laugh. You can cry. You can give up. You can find the opportunities amongst the wreckage. You can speak words to yourself of discouragement. You can speak words of belief, "can do" and encouragement to yourself and others. You can dwell on yourself, play "poor me" seek sympathy or you can express gratitude for the talents and gifts that you have and begin, each day, anew with ambition and strategy and energy and effort. In times like these leaders don't cave in to the discouragement of the masses. Leaders give hope and encourage others to take action, be positive and find the greatness within themselves. It is times like these when we see what a man is made of and when character is made. Take a moment to encourage someone. Help lighten their day. Help them see the hidden opportunities that are readily available in a seemingly impossible situation. Most of all be thankful for the lessons of these difficult moments, they too shall pass, and for the purpose that they serve then follow your heart to the light.

Learning From Mistakes & Misadventures

It has been said that we learn much more from our mistakes and failures than we do from our successes. Also many people believe that setbacks, pain or even tragedy represent opportunities for personal growth and change. In his book "Clapton" the great guitarist Eric Clapton details years of personal relationship failures and severe character failings that left him fragile and vulnerable. All the while he was having tremendous professional and financial success while at the same time failing miserably in his personal life. Along the way he experienced the loss of family and friends, the death of his beloved son Conor and a downward spiraling existence that lead him to eventually try to commit suicide by swallowing an entire jar of Valium pills. On the surface, to outsiders, it looked like Eric Clapton "had it all". However he was desperate, alone and unable to cope. Fortunately for Clapton, he eventually was forced to confront his demons and in a moment of desperation he begged for Divine guidance as his only relief and hope of escaping his cycle of misery and self destruction. I think many of us are like Clapton. We lose focus, get off track and try to fix ourselves with "things" or others who tell us what we want to hear. We may be lost in denial and feel that no one could possibly understand us. In these moments our only hope is to learn from the cycle of our mistakes and misadventures and take action to make change within ourselves.

SUCCESS IS ABOUT CHOICES

Every choice you make, no matter how big or how small, takes you toward your goal or away from your goal. Consider that anything from use of time to your momentary mood can have the effect of helping or hindering the achievement of your objectives. Life is about making choices. At any moment we can completely change who we are, how we react to the situations and circumstances of our lives or what steps we take to create our own destiny. If your goal for the day is to complete several tasks, the choice to stay in bed an extra hour may make it difficult to get everything done. If your choice is to become a research scientist for NASA your choice to skip Calculus 101 could undermine your objectives. People who make wise choices are on top of their game. But not everyone finds it easy to make choices. Some people struggle with procrastination or indecision. Start out by making small choices. Get in the habit of making immediate choices and try not to delay decisions. Consider your daily, monthly, weekly annual or lifelong goals.......Think about how every action, every choice, takes you toward or away from your goal. Making choices and especially good choices that effect your progress, is a key component of achieving what you want in your life.

Our Purpose is to create!

One of the most fundamental truths is that our purpose during our time on earth is to create. I believe that GOD instills in each of us a special purpose and within that purpose is a dynamic and awesome creativity and ability to have original thought and original creativity. To be sure, we also are blessed with a "will" to choose whether we "tap into" or develop our creative skills or talents...but the important thing is that we are meant to create. The creative process may be developed over time, honed by experience or circumstance or simply fueled by inspiration, timing or the "forces" around us. Most people are most happy when they are creating.....and in creating they find that their natural skills, talents, abilities, desires all converge in the creative process. Creation comes in all shapes and forms. A mother or father, a worker, a teacher or student all create. Often the person who appears to be the "teacher" is the student and vice versa. I believe it is important to recognize and be conscious of our purpose to create because awareness and knowledge helps us to remove obstacles, most namely ourselves, in "tapping" into the source of our creativity. Magic occurs and miracles appear when someone discovers their creative purpose. Sometimes, in life, we get bogged down, reacting to our circumstance, problems, processes and the "daily grind" of life......and yet when we connect with our creativity.......we are energized and our passion to create can't be held back. We each have a responsibility to reach out a hand and to help others to find their creative purpose......sometimes by simply giving an encouraging word, by seeing others as they can be, not as they have been or as they are at this moment. We each also, have a responsibility to encourage ourselves, every day, to create something new........and to give of ourselves in a way that makes our life, and the lives of others more meaningful. Creating doesn't have to be anything that appears big in life......It doesn't have to be carving a statue of "David" or writing a hit song. It can simply be writing a few words in a journal or saying a kind word to someone in need........Invest in your life and in your world by living your purpose - Create!