One of the hallmarks of successful people is that they learn from others. Another is that they seem to indistinctly know how to start and "carry" a conversation. But you might be surprised to know that a good conversationalists ability to "converse" is not based so much on their own ability to jabber away, but rather their ability to "engage" the other party in a good exchange. Good conversationalists extract information and learn from their counterpart. They learn not only facts and details and knowledge but they learn about the person they are talking with. Many times people don' t seem to know exactly what to say and resort to asking dead end or "closed" questions such as "how's business?". This closed end question is usually met with "fine" and the conversation can come to a quick conclusion. One of the greatest "open end questions" I ever learned was in a Dale Carnegie sales course in the early part of my career. It has served me throughout my business career and I find that it is one of the most powerful questions one can use. In fact, for me, it is the most powerful question I ask and it almost always results in a "home run" in terms of engaging the other party in a full dialogue. The question is so powerful in fact , that the person giving the answer often takes 15, 20 or 30 minutes to answer. During that time I am building rapport, learning about the history and personality of the person, his views on business, life, family. During that time I am engaged by listening with "empathy". During that time I gain a geographical and psychological perspective of my counterpart. The question, and I like to use an non-grammatically correct version, is: "How'd You Happen To Get Into This Business?" When I ask the question I ask it with sincerity and look into the person's eyes with a kind of expectation. Usually my counterpart will smile then say something like, "oh you really don't want to hear all that" or "oh my, that would take me an hour to tell". Always, Aways I respond with , "Oh yes I would really love to know how you go to" (this place, this level of success, this point in your life, etc). Then I lean back and listen to this man or woman's "story". Before my eyes and ears their life unfolds and in the telling they are remembering and in the remembering their is a kind of connection, a bond, that occurs between the person and me. Sometimes they will get to a part, perhaps an emotional point, and they will pause as if to see if I am bored, but I lean forward and encourage them to tell me the complete story. It is an extremely powerful question and it serves to deliver a moment of intimacy, kindness, caring. Inevitably the other person "feels" that you must be smart (to want to know about them). In one's life very few people come along who want to know your "story" and when someone does and asks us a question like this, with sincerity, the answer, our words come tumbling out like a kind of therapy, a flood of experiences. We DO want to tell our own story. So the next time you meet a client for the first time, or a stranger at a party......in a relaxed and casual tone say, "Would you mind telling me, "how'd you happen to get in this business"? And then be prepared to enjoy a journey into your new friend's life. It is a great question that should be taught by every parent, by every teacher, and at every school and every business class because it allows us to "engage" our counterpart with interest, kindness and sincerity.
3 comments:
Good advice
Here are some more questions you could ask yourself.
Some hard hitting sales questions to ask yourself if you're in sales.
by William Stewart
The Strategic Sales Trainer
www.strategicsellingsystem.com
Here are some hard hitting, soul searching questions to ask yourself if your in sales. Either as a sales manager or sales person.
You can add to it by asking would you do next year what you did this last year?
Would you hire your current sales team?
Would you hire your next start based on what your last one did?
Will you look for business in the same places next year as you did this year?
Will you train yourself for more sales next year or just do the same things as last year? - not clever
Ask the hard questions now so when you need to be able to stand up to the highest scrutiny then you can
To get the most up to date, and FREE, comprehensive Sales And Marketing Health Check go to www.strategicsellingsystem.com/healthcheck
You will LOVE what you get
William Stewart
The Strategic Sales Trainer
www.strategicsellingsystem.com/healthcheck
Good advice
Here are some more questions you could ask yourself.
Some hard hitting sales questions to ask yourself if you're in sales.
by William Stewart
The Strategic Sales Trainer
www.strategicsellingsystem.com
Here are some hard hitting, soul searching questions to ask yourself if your in sales. Either as a sales manager or sales person.
You can add to it by asking would you do next year what you did this last year?
Would you hire your current sales team?
Would you hire your next start based on what your last one did?
Will you look for business in the same places next year as you did this year?
Will you train yourself for more sales next year or just do the same things as last year? - not clever.
Ask the hard questions now so when you need to be able to stand up to the highest scrutiny then you can
To get the most up to date, and FREE, comprehensive Sales And Marketing Health Check go to www.strategicsellingsystem.com/healthcheck
You will LOVE what you get...
William Stewart
The Strategic Sales Trainer
www.strategicsellingsystem.com/healthcheck
Every waking day I am reminded of the happiness & wisdom I cultivate by my connection with others. How fruitful it can be if we just let our human connections happen; open our hearts, listen to our inner voice, allowing us to then hear others. I learn from them at times willingly, other times, not, but always enriched in the end. Along the course of our lives , there are many people who are sent to teach us something. I even suspect that we are offered the possibility to learn from our minor encounters, passing as they may be. Some times I have learned a lesson as a negative reaction to someone whose behavior I dislike. Because these people become the grain of sand in my life, causing me hurt, pain or mere discomfort, I am obliged in some manner to reflect on our association. Some times we find our own negative behavior mirrors theirs, to our astonishment. Perhaps we become better people as we resolve to not assume this behavior. At times we meet people who are so saintly in a worldly fashion that we wish to mirror their good deeds.
From my cyber connections, I was fortunate to learn some very significant observations about my past which will help create a more positive future. Some time went by in my estrangement from my learned playwright "friend" (did I just cross the personal relationship Rubicon and acknowledge being friends with a guy?) when, to my surprise, he contacted me to let me to know that he had learned something from me. This simple acknowledgement allowed me to feel more compassionate towards him and consider his friendship. From Russ I was able to learn an important lesson as well. What is more interesting in this instance is that the lesson he can learn from me is the exact opposite of what I learned from him. There must be the hand of God in that!
From some special people who have walked through my life recently, here are a few things that I've learned:
1) Life can be funny.
2) I am a genius at dating.
3) To like bittersweet.
4) To err is human, to forgive is divine.
5) How to do a body wave.
6) If a relationship doesn't move forward, it dies.
7) I give really, really good email.
8) To live life as an exclamation point!
When some cross our path, it can be especially significant in a surprising way. This past summer I was walking down Madison Avenue past a random retail store as, from the sidewalk, in one store I spied a black Buddha-esqe hottie (is that combo possible?) dressed elegantly like a European film director in a black suit and crew-neck. In that passing instant, our gazes met as he nodded ever so slightly in my direction, a discreet smile on his face, bowing gracefully towards me as he gave me my very own personal salutation - he namaste-ed me! This reverential salutation of "the divine in me salutes the divine in you" was perhaps the most potent, non-verbal communication I have ever received, blessed in its gentleness, delicate in its subtlety, yet powerful in its ability to captivate. To this day, I carry this memory in my heart and pull it out whenever needed, a simple reminder to honor the silent moments in our lives, to let our most cherished relationships breathe with them, and consider them a treasure.
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