IDENFITY PROBLEMS BUT DWELL ON SOLUTIONS

December 2008. This is a time when most us are effected by the difficult economy and circumstances effecting our financial well being. There is a general "fear factor" that is daunting for some some of us and near paralyzing for others. The media seems to focus and dwell on the problems and there appear to be few representatives of hope and belief for a better tomorrow. The choice is ours to either get to work creating solutions or otherwise be left to spend our time dwelling on the problems and rehashing day after day, week after week, who is responsible and why blame or responsibility is not our own. We hope that "somebody" will come up with a solution or deliver an answer for us. Often we spend so much time dwelling our fate that we make a "mountain out of a mole hill. This backward thinking is not unlike when personal problems beset some people. They choose to react dramatically to the problem, sharing with those closest to them their unfortunate fate or circumstance. Some people almost seem to enjoy the attention or pity the receive when they recount their difficulty almost as a hypochondriac feels loved by the attention of those sorrowed by their circumstance. They choose to dwell on the problem over and over and over and exacerbate the "problem" or as my mother used to say "wallow in the mud" (of their dire circumstances). My mother also had an expression "you made your bed now lay in it". She would point out that it was one's own responsibility for their current situation and that it was their responsbility to make a change of it. Certainly The Problem is not the Answer. The answer or resolution to any problem comes only when we move off the problem and onto the business of creating solutions and executing the actions that deliver us from our dilemma. The sooner one gets off the problem and onto the solution the quicker the problem is resolved and the less it impacts our life. So Identify problems but quickly move to dwell on solutions then take action to resolve your situation.

CHOOSE OPTIMISM - OFFER HOPE

It's October, 2008 a time of uncertain, doom and gloom for many caused in part by the actual events effecting the economy including the bank real estate secondary loan debacle, a significant corporate debt overload and a waning economy. The media, as usual, puts a laser focus on every piece of negativity it can find and acts as alarmist and doomsday chronicler in predicting the dourest outcomes and a bleak future for all. I know that many people feel helpless and hopeless in the face of such negative circumstances yet Optimism and Hope is the only way out of our situation. Starting with the principal that you must first believe it to achieve it and understand that each one of us is responsible for our own situation the question is how do you react to bad news, tragic events, loss of equity, a home, a car, savings or a life? It has been said, and I truly believe this, that the quality of a man's life is not about what happens to him but about how he reacts to whatever happens to him. Its about choice. The choices are endless. You can jump out the window. You can laugh. You can cry. You can give up. You can find the opportunities amongst the wreckage. You can speak words to yourself of discouragement. You can speak words of belief, "can do" and encouragement to yourself and others. You can dwell on yourself, play "poor me" seek sympathy or you can express gratitude for the talents and gifts that you have and begin, each day, anew with ambition and strategy and energy and effort. In times like these leaders don't cave in to the discouragement of the masses. Leaders give hope and encourage others to take action, be positive and find the greatness within themselves. It is times like these when we see what a man is made of and when character is made. Take a moment to encourage someone. Help lighten their day. Help them see the hidden opportunities that are readily available in a seemingly impossible situation. Most of all be thankful for the lessons of these difficult moments, they too shall pass, and for the purpose that they serve then follow your heart to the light.

Learning From Mistakes & Misadventures

It has been said that we learn much more from our mistakes and failures than we do from our successes. Also many people believe that setbacks, pain or even tragedy represent opportunities for personal growth and change. In his book "Clapton" the great guitarist Eric Clapton details years of personal relationship failures and severe character failings that left him fragile and vulnerable. All the while he was having tremendous professional and financial success while at the same time failing miserably in his personal life. Along the way he experienced the loss of family and friends, the death of his beloved son Conor and a downward spiraling existence that lead him to eventually try to commit suicide by swallowing an entire jar of Valium pills. On the surface, to outsiders, it looked like Eric Clapton "had it all". However he was desperate, alone and unable to cope. Fortunately for Clapton, he eventually was forced to confront his demons and in a moment of desperation he begged for Divine guidance as his only relief and hope of escaping his cycle of misery and self destruction. I think many of us are like Clapton. We lose focus, get off track and try to fix ourselves with "things" or others who tell us what we want to hear. We may be lost in denial and feel that no one could possibly understand us. In these moments our only hope is to learn from the cycle of our mistakes and misadventures and take action to make change within ourselves.

SUCCESS IS ABOUT CHOICES

Every choice you make, no matter how big or how small, takes you toward your goal or away from your goal. Consider that anything from use of time to your momentary mood can have the effect of helping or hindering the achievement of your objectives. Life is about making choices. At any moment we can completely change who we are, how we react to the situations and circumstances of our lives or what steps we take to create our own destiny. If your goal for the day is to complete several tasks, the choice to stay in bed an extra hour may make it difficult to get everything done. If your choice is to become a research scientist for NASA your choice to skip Calculus 101 could undermine your objectives. People who make wise choices are on top of their game. But not everyone finds it easy to make choices. Some people struggle with procrastination or indecision. Start out by making small choices. Get in the habit of making immediate choices and try not to delay decisions. Consider your daily, monthly, weekly annual or lifelong goals.......Think about how every action, every choice, takes you toward or away from your goal. Making choices and especially good choices that effect your progress, is a key component of achieving what you want in your life.

Our Purpose is to create!

One of the most fundamental truths is that our purpose during our time on earth is to create. I believe that GOD instills in each of us a special purpose and within that purpose is a dynamic and awesome creativity and ability to have original thought and original creativity. To be sure, we also are blessed with a "will" to choose whether we "tap into" or develop our creative skills or talents...but the important thing is that we are meant to create. The creative process may be developed over time, honed by experience or circumstance or simply fueled by inspiration, timing or the "forces" around us. Most people are most happy when they are creating.....and in creating they find that their natural skills, talents, abilities, desires all converge in the creative process. Creation comes in all shapes and forms. A mother or father, a worker, a teacher or student all create. Often the person who appears to be the "teacher" is the student and vice versa. I believe it is important to recognize and be conscious of our purpose to create because awareness and knowledge helps us to remove obstacles, most namely ourselves, in "tapping" into the source of our creativity. Magic occurs and miracles appear when someone discovers their creative purpose. Sometimes, in life, we get bogged down, reacting to our circumstance, problems, processes and the "daily grind" of life......and yet when we connect with our creativity.......we are energized and our passion to create can't be held back. We each have a responsibility to reach out a hand and to help others to find their creative purpose......sometimes by simply giving an encouraging word, by seeing others as they can be, not as they have been or as they are at this moment. We each also, have a responsibility to encourage ourselves, every day, to create something new........and to give of ourselves in a way that makes our life, and the lives of others more meaningful. Creating doesn't have to be anything that appears big in life......It doesn't have to be carving a statue of "David" or writing a hit song. It can simply be writing a few words in a journal or saying a kind word to someone in need........Invest in your life and in your world by living your purpose - Create!

The Truth

The biggest lies we tell are not the lies we tell to others but the lies we tell ourselves. I recently met someone who, in my opinion, lives a life of truth. She can be brutally honest and yet she is soft and deep inside. She has many great talents and yet I see honesty as one of her greatest strengths. By being herself and living with integrity and character she has helped me understand my faults and some changes I needed to make in my view of myself. This person is highly intelligent and doesn't seek to change anyone. She is an inspiration in many ways. There is a "sappy" line from a movie where the girl asks the guy "why do you love me, Jack"? And he says "because you make me want to be a better man"......and the audience laughs because coming from Jack Nicholson in any movie it's about as insincere as it can get.....and yet......when a person cares about you enough to make you want to have more integrity and more character......it must be a good thing and it must be truth in action. Less Lies, more truths and living more honestly.

Trust Your Inner Voice

So often it seems like we try to operate more from our intellect than our intuition. I have often felt and said that trusting my inner voice is one of the wisest things I could do and yet many times I failed to follow my own advice. Somehow logic seems safer than trusting my own voice. Of course many times, in situations or in experiences my inner voice and logic jive and in those times I am comforted that both choices coincide. The difficulties are in those moments when my inner voice is at odds with my logic. I think this must be true for the musician who's head says that he will never make a living playing music while his heart says he must keep playing to satisfy some deep inner need. It's also true for those of us whose parents wanted us to pursue some noble career and yet we wandered down some other path; hopefully a happier and more fulfilling one than they "wanted for us". I think this idea of trusting your inner voice then is really about faith and maybe about accepting or believing that God has a direction and purpose for us (that is different than where we are headed) and that despite everyone who encourages us to do one thing.....we find ourselves pulled in another direction, and IF that other direction is worthy, legal, honorable, fulfilling and giving....IF that inner voice leads us to or toward something that has a higher purpose....a Godly purpose, then how can we not follow our inner voice?

WORDS ARE THE SEEDS WE PLANT IN OUR HEARTS

Words, spoken or unspoken, are thoughts and ideas that shape our personal destiny. As such they are the "seeds"we plant, in our hearts, that grow into success or failure, love or hate, belief or disbelief in ourselves and in our lives. Of course we learn words from the time we are born, and we learn to use words to express what we see, think or feel. Early on we may be conditioned to use certain words and as such we may "mouth" someone else's ideas, thoughts or words. However, soon enough in childhood, we gain independent thought. From that time forward we are no longer bound by the words, thoughts or ideas of others. We may be affected by their words, but it is our success driven nature and our personal responsibility to speak our own thoughts. Whether we say "I can" or "I can't" becomes self fulfilling for uf for that particular problem, task or idea. If we say we are beautiful then we are beautiful!. If we say we are clumsy, then we will probably stumble and knock over things and repeat the matra "I am clumsy".

Too often, today our negative self talk (words) and even our smallest negative expressions will plant seeds of fear, doubt, caution, reservation, or disbelief within us. If we say "I don't think I will do well on this test or That task is so hard or The problem is so big" then we begin by going in the wrong direction.

Think carefully about your daily words, thoughts and beliefs. Even if you are an extremely positive, optimistic, successful and forward thinking person count how many times a day negative or distracting thoughts enter your mind. The two voices you hear "in your head", the one negative and the one positive are always battling for your mind. Take care to know that your destiny is, in part, based on the courage you show and the choices you make. Choose the positive path. Choose positive words, thoughts and ideas grounded in the belief that you are on a path, a mission, a destiny. Practice choosing words and thoughts that "cast out" disbelief and honor what is in your heart, your hopes and dreams, your love and destiny.

Gratitude Is Grace

Having gratitude, appreciation and joy for the people, events and moments in your life is a reflection of who you are. Appreciation and gratitude is joy in action. It serves as the outward expression of what is important to you and in your life. In the chaos of everyday living it is easy to get caught up in the demands placed on us. It is easy to forget to give a simple "nod" to the bellman or a smile to a waitress. I find it can become very easy to be self focused and "righteous" about who I am and why the world should recognize me. But the fact is that I earn my self esteem and reflect my self value when I take a moment to compliment another or recognize someone else's contribution to my life. Often these times, moments, acts are seemingly small and simple things yet the little things are often really the big things in our lives. And the things that we brood over, show anger or impatience over or fuss about are often gone in a flash and to the point where we don't remember what was so important only minutes or hours ago. Take time to say "thanks" appreciate your goodness, say thanks to GOD for the toes on your feet, your eyesight and the people who touch you every day in some small way. Shared gratitude is contagious and truly a "pay it forward" type of energy. The expression of appreciation and gratitude is an investment in yourself and in your life. Be gracious to others and yourself by showing gratitude and appreciation.

Be Savvy in arguments

Often when trying to make a point or win someone to our way of thinking we engage words, tone or emotion in ways that are self defeating to our objective. This note is about removing harshness and confrontation from communication so that our message is more clearly heard and so that the reception, by the person we are trying to persuade, leads to the heart then the head.

It seems to me that our society has become, in many cases, too confrontational. The idea of drubbing someone, by force, to sucumb to our way of thinking is a step backward and has never worked, whatever the period of history. In most cases we destroy relationships, trust or belief in us if we attack another. In striving for success we want to engender positiveness and belief in our goodness and rightness. The best way to do that is to show your opponent or counterpart that you have their good being at heart, that you care, and that your position is of benefit to them.

Debaters, negotiators or anyone who wishes to make a point, have their idea well received, or win a discussion would do well to consider a very simple old adage; "It is easier to attract bees with honey than with vinegar". I recommend softening your tone, mixing in politeness. Begin with a compliment or agreement then make your point or idea in a friendly persuasive way.

Don't Let the Monster Eat Your Self Esteem

The following is another lesson for me from my daughter, Tami. As you will see Tami is being "taught' by her son (my terrific grandson) Cannon, who is being taught by a terrific kindergarten teacher. I am so proud of everyone in the "chain" of inspiration and belief including my Tami, Cannon and my wonderful granddaughter Raine who also is an incredible source of inspiration, encouragement and hope to me, as well!

Hi Dad,
I almost called you last night because Cannon had me so amazed: We were driving home and he says "Mom, do you know about self-esteem?" I said I knew a little but asked him to tell me what he knew about it. He said, "Well, you can't let the monster eat your self-esteem. He will try to eat your self-esteem and tell you you can't do things but you can't let him do that." I asked him what self-esteem was and he said "It's what makes you happy." I asked him "Well, what do you do to stop the monster from eating your self esteem?" and he said, "You have to stay strong. Just stay strong and tell him NO! and he won't be able to eat it and then you will stay happy."

Is that not the coolest thing ever? The school counselor read Cannon's class a book about Self Esteem. He is so smart. It really made sense to him. It is amazing how he (and Raine) each teach me new lessons all the time. And to see it and hear it from his perspective.....it's so precious. And the insights that Raine has are so amazing too. Anyway, I immediately thought of you, and your Success is Your Destiny blog, when we had that conversation last night.

Yes Tami! You are being successful and your kids are reaping the rewards of belief and the right kinds of "Self Talk". Keep it up. Dad is so very proud of you and of Cannon and Raine.

Turn Negative Self Talk Into Positive Self Talk and Success Destiny

Whether you think you can or can't you are right. Our self talk, whether it be that quiet "voice" in our head, or a verbal pronouncement is the predictor, not the reflection, of our personal destiny. I am not talking about self talk such as idle boasting or trash talking which often masks an inner fear. I am talking about our self view, our self belief, confidence, or lack thereof, and the messages that we "feed" ourselves day in-day out. The person who laments "I can't do it", "I am not smart enough", "I am not strong enough", "I don't know what to do", "Why do things always happen to me?", " I could never, I won't ever, I don't think I can, I don't know how" .....these are all negative self proclamations that often lead to negative results. They are also negative internal messages that feed ones belief system with doubt, resignation, and defeat and ultimately undermine hope. Another thing negative self talk does is block our natural problem solving and solutions oriented thinking. By dwelling on reasons why we can't achieve something we take up energy, time and space from solutions thinking and creativity which leads to problem solving and answers. An interesting thing happens within us when we say "I can".....our entire consciousness goes into action seeking answers and solutions that validates that belief. To achieve anything begin by planting the seeds of belief within yourself. Follow with the self talk of belief; "I can". Then turn your "I Can's" into "I did's".