PREYING IN A ROSE THICKET

What prey tell does the praying mantis yell
When his prayers fall helpless on the ears of the heartless

I was out in the yard and not having much regard
For the creatures in the shadows on the edge of the hedge

It’s a rose bush of sorts with a leafy spindly spool
That covers the wall by the pool and the mall of the patio

It was a sunny morning and I’d given them no warning
When I approached the thorny bush with my garden clippers at the ready

Had it been a normal day I might have decided not to stay
And instead chosen the electric hedge trimmer to do my dirty work

But for some divine intervention I pulled out the shear invention
And headed to the lowest point of the lush green hedge

And as I began to chop, slashing, shearing, tearing, romp
Through the thicket I could hear the crunch of every vine in the bunch

I must say it felt good like a hacker hacking wood
And I blindly slashed straight forward cutting everything in sight

Had it been a darker day, had it been a different way, or a just moment later
I might not have seen the courageous act of one hidden chameleon creature

He stood standing on the wreckage of a spindly thorn and faced me with a scorn
And he stared at me in disbelief as if his home had just been torn by my savagery

I stared back and then it hit me could there be a Preying family in there?
beneath the rubble of my devastating shearing could there be a family fearing?

I at once pulled back the thicket to look beneath the outer branches
And sure enough a female there and two small tykes climbing through the pikes

I released the open hedge and returned to face my judge, “Mr. Mantis”, I began
“You have saved your family clan, with an action so bold the story forever will be told”

And with that he’s in the thicket, his antenna searching for the bugs, for the
Mantis is my savior to devour the thugs who prey upon the green of my roses.

SWAGALICIOUS - REFLECTING SELF ESTEEM, BY ALICE P CIERI

Learning can come from the strangest places and never ends. I am glad that I have something to contribute to this discussion as I am being taught self-esteem by a terrific hip hop teacher whose name is Bev. She is teaching me to have self-esteem with “flava”. Bev has flava and self-esteem to spare and you have to experience her to understand it. One could also say that she has swag. I am learning many marginally useful things in this class but it’s all good! Here's how to understand swag via the urban dictionary:

Warning - some words below may be inappropriate for grandchildren and those easily offended.

Swag: The way in which you carry yourself. Swag is made up of your overall confidence, style and demeanor. Swag can also be expanded to be the reputation of your overall swagger. You gain swag, or "Swag up", by performing swag worthy actions that improve this perception. A person can also "swag down", by being an overall pussy and garnering negative swag for their actions. Swag is a subtle thing that many strive to gain but few actually attain. It is reserved for the most swagalicious people. Swag can also be quantified, with point systems existing in some circles of friends.

Examples:
"That dud is swag".
"im really diggin your swag."
"He got a killa swag".

"I got two girls last night".
"Awesome dude, that's some swag."
"I think one of them was my sister though...."
"Negative swag"

"I'm digging that strut son, I like your swag".
"Thanks, Dad."

"I don't think that I can go out tonight, I got too much work".
"Swag up you little bitch".

"If I finish this pizza in under 3 minutes, can I get a swag point?"
"You really don't understand swag...do you?"

Swagger: Also called swag. Whatever it is that makes women want you and men wanna be you.... or vice versa, I would add.

As you might tell, I have been very immersed in my dancing of late. I wish a good fairy would appear and let me either win the lottery or find my rich second husband so that I could quit my job and devote every waking hour to my dance education (of course, supplementing with some altruistic volunteer obligations because I am into random acts of kindness).

Hip hop is such an egalitarian endeavor which is one reason why I like it. It does not discriminate against size, shape, color, or even ability. Hip hop is all about attitude. I recently learned that it is not cool to smile in hip hop class as the goal is to look fierce and project a “don’t f-ck with me attitude”. This is a very useful posture for me coming off my divorce. As a matter of fact, the song “u & ur hand” by P!nk was practically my personal anthem during those years. I recently went to a P!nk concert at the Garden and, despite my Chanel bag now smelling of beer, I came away fervently wishing that in my youth I had been a rock star with platinum hair and multiple tattoos. It must be such a head rush! Also, spoiler alert for Russ!! I know your destiny and it is P!nk as there is an exclamation point in her very name.

What is so instructive about this? How we use and project our bodies is very important to our self-esteem. I learned a very important and interesting lesson years ago in my jazz class with the great Luigi. During the warm up he turned to the assembled class and asked no one in particular “where is the center?” with everyone dutifully pointing to the center of the room. His answer was brilliant - the dancer’s credo. “Center is where-ever you are.” This illustrates that each dancer should dance as if they are, in fact center, drawing all attention to them by their excellence.

My hip hop dancing is not yet very evolved to this point, so I have not yet acquired the necessary clothing – the baggy sweats, maybe with one leg rolled up, the triangle bathing suit top in lieu of a bra, covered by some slouchy top, maybe hooded which you flick on and off your head as desired. I decided to grow out my hair so that I can flick it appropriately – head flicks are integral to hip hop. Hair needs to be wild and out there. I have good and bad hair days, as I either look like the madwoman of Chaillot (good for hip hop) or Elizabeth Taylor (better for dating). As you can see, one has to have lots of self-esteem to pull this look off, even when you are only 20, the median age of the class. I am always the oldest one in the class and never the best. I am also not the worse. For me, just showing up in this class weekly tends to enhance my self esteem.

I would suggest that the next time you see someone you know who is a dancer, remark on how they walk. They walk "like a dancer", majestic and full of self-esteem, projecting the center of the universe. Next time you are in NYC, look out for me walking down Broadway, owning my piece of the sidewalk, swagalicious, like a dancer.

Recommended music playlist:

Mary J. Blige - "The One"
Flor Rida - "Right Round"
Keri Hilson & Timbaland - "Return the Favor"
Sean Kingston - "Fire Burning" & "Beautiful Girls"
Ciara - "Pucker Up"
P!nk - "U + Ur Hand, So What, Sober, Please don't leave, Who Knew, Funhouse"

Alice Cieri, Author, October 6, 2009

REFLECTIONS ON COUNTENANCE

We are granted certain gifts including timing and insight and intuition in order to see and witness the signs and the meaning of what the universe has in store for us. Given the basic tenets of inner beauty; grace, compassion, poise, and an earnest passion for life; friends of all persuasions, ride a current of attraction to you via the gravitational force that you naturally generate. Your sensory mechanisms also are exquisitely tuned to ferret out all but those who align naturally to your gravitational center; that unique life-spirit fountain flowing from deep within you. Your inner self is longing to vibrate its aliveness in natural abandon. In your evolution you may choose to open yourself radiantly or to narrow your perspective of hope and acceptance of self and all else. Take pause to spread yourself open to the possibilities as if you lay in a field of sweet clover, the billowy clouds of creation floating overhead, the shapes and sensuality of wholeness in the air and reflected in the beauty of your countenance. And what allure you do have. Your cadence and, as stated, your countenance is compelling. I would have felt the gravitational yearning, if only from the first reflection, but then a second, and a third before it dawns on me; the realization of an ever changing you, every moment, always different-always perfect, reflecting the essence of your perfect being. I find myself in a meadow of quiet vulnerability, alone with my romantic affliction, but accompanied by my delight at the power of your subtle persuasion.

AT EVERY MOMENT EVERY CHOICE, AND EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE, EITHER TAKES YOU TOWARD OR AWAY FROM YOUR GOAL

It is a simple thought but think of what you want.........what you really want.......what you really really really want. Now think about what you must do to get what you want........what you really must do. What you really really must do. Now think about what you are doing every moment of every day......and the different kinds of thoughts, actions, exercises, distractions, efforts, plans, strategies, that you make and do. Don't try to over analyze. Just think about the little things tht you do. Every moment spent thinking is either time spent moving toward your goal or moments spent that take you away from your goal. Think about every action that you take. At every moment the action that you take either is moving you toward or away from your goal. Now that isn't to say that you can't have multiple goals and take different actions that are leading toward different goals. But the problem with that is if you get too many goals your efforts are fragmented and diffused and you probably won't have much success achieving all of them. THE SECRET was not a secret at all. It was and is based simply on the principle of focus and holding your goal focused in your mind so that the power of your thoughts and energies and efforts are concentrated on achieving what you truly hold in your heart or want in your life. Way before The Secret there was Napolean Hill, and Dale Carnegie and Normal Vincent Peale and way before all of them there were teachers and philosophers who understood the power of focus. So, from a practical standpoint remember that TIME is your most precious commodity. It is worth more than gold to you because how you spend it (TIME) determines how much gold you will have or how much gold (lifes riches) you will experience in your life. In every moment you have a choice to make of how you will spend (INVEST) that moment...........Invest it wisely to achieve your goals, hopes and dreams and the life you want.

EMBRACE CHALLENGES

What would our lives be like if we had no challenges, if everything came easily or automatically, if we were not meant to struggle or strain or risk or experience the pain of failure. What would life be like if we didn't need to exert or query or question ourselves, assess our fortitude or drive through the rain, the pain with the persistency to gain an objective, reach a goal and achieve a sense of accomplishment. Life is about overcoming odds, meeting the obstacles that roll into our path each day, facing challenge after challenge. Some experience more and greater challenges than others. Some face challenges with fear and trepidation. Some face challenges with a fierce warrior like determination. Most of us look for the easiest path up the mountain we can find or some tool to leverage in moving the seemingly unmovable boulder in our path. In facing our greatest challenges we forever find ourselves alone, even when surrounded by family and friends and well wishers. And of course our greatest challenge is often our self. We fight ourselves at every turn. We never seem to learn to make it easy on ourselves. We second guess and often choose the wrong path before finally realizing the way we should have gone in the first place. But challenges teach us, they help form our character, they make life worthwhile and remind us that we are on a journey. The best part of us rises to meet challenges. Even when we fail to overcome an obstacle we win in the effort. Embrace challenges for in the effort the best of our self is realized.

A Lifetime of "Porkchop Moments" by Suzanne Munson

It started Friday evening around 8:30 pm. As Zach was getting into bed, he announced, that he needed his special day big green stuffed frog. “What frog are you talking about”, I asked naively. “My special-day big green stuffed frog. I really miss him and I need him”, he answered, and the tears started flowing. “Well, Zachy, we will look for him in the morning”, I replied, still with no clue which stuffed animal he was talking about. But, the tantrum rolled on, gathering steam with every moment. He was panicked. He was frantic. He was obsessed. “No, we have to find him now!”, he screamed. My attempts to calm the storm were not well received. I reminded him that he has at least 78 stuffed animals, 4 of which are frogs, wouldn’t any of those do for the night. I even offered up Abby’s frog named “Jumps”, which caused Abby to say: “No, that’s mine!”, nearly inciting a domestic riot.
“Absolutely not” was his clear response. He would not rest until his special day big green stuffed frog was found.
So we formed a small search party, and spent several minutes looking for the frog. I asked all of the important questions: “What does he look like?, “Where did you last see him?” Did you take him outside?” Is he under your bed?” He offered very little help (how could he, really, with all the crying and screaming), but, finally, he agreed to give up the search and catch some shut eye.
Fast forward to 6:30 am Saturday morning. Zach was shaking me, demanding that we find his special day big green stuffed frog. He picked up with the tantrum right where he left off a mere 10 hours ago. He was once again, panicked, frantic and obsessed.
In my family, this is called a “pork chop moment.” Let me explain: When I was about 10, I came home from school one day to find my typically calm, cool and collected mother to be panicked, frantic, and obsessed. Apparently, a leftover pork chop had gone missing from the refrigerator. My brother, sister, step-dad, and I were individually and collectively interrogated by my mother. She demanded to know who ate the pork chop. Since none of us confessed to the crime, the investigation went on for days. We were forced to ask our friends. We were encouraged to ask our neighbors. My mother was determined in her efforts to find the culprit, but no suspect was ever identified.
My sister and I have laughed for years about this incident. I occasionally get a distressed phone call from her, while she is in the midst of a “pork chop moment”. A “pork chop moment” is when you become irrationally obsessed with finding a lost something or other. Like the time, I became obsessed with finding Abby’s “Tuesday” onesie, or more recently the Quickbooks CD. You can see it, you can smell it, you can almost taste it, you know it was just right “there”, but you can’t put your finger on it. And, you can’t let it go!
The obvious question is: who cares who ate the pork chop, or where Abby’s “Tuesday” onesie is, or where special day big green stuffed frog is, for that matter?” Of course, no one should really care, or at least care enough to become completely obsessed with finding it. This is not life and death stuff, right?
I would like to think that on the day that the pork chop went missing, my mom was just hungry for a leftover pork chop, and angry that someone had beat her to her snack. But, I think it is something deeper than that. If it was a simple case of hunger, the frustration would have subsided more quickly, probably as soon as she found a different scrumptious morsel in the refrigerator to feast upon. She clearly had plenty of other options in the food department.
My take on it is that in an unpredictable and chaotic world, knowing the precise location of each and every item in the refrigerator helped my mom feel secure and comfortable. If you can’t be Mistress of the Universe (aka God), at least you can be Mistress of the Refrigerator. And, I think having a “pork chop moment” every now and then allowed my usually calm, cool and collected mom an outlet for some frustration . . .a reason to sweat over something meaningless and insignificant so that she could respond more rationally to the really important stuff.
So, back to Zach. We still haven’t found his “special day big green stuffed frog.” And, as I see him sleeping with “blue dog” tonight I realize that he doesn’t really need this silly stuffed animal. I have a feeling that his tantrum last night was more about controlling his environment . . .a little boy feels just a bit safer when the precise location of “special day big green stuffed frog” is known. But, I can’t help but hope for him, that as he grows he will feel safe and secure whether or not he knows the exact contents of the refrigerator or the precise whereabouts of all his insignificant belongings, and that he is not destined for a lifetime of “pork chop moments.”

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER ,NEVER GIVE UP!

Many of us feel like we are now in the midst of an economic war. In some cases our assets have been obliterated. In others our firepower has been reduced. For many our supply lines have been interrupted. With that in mind the mission for many of us, at or near retirement age, is that we must un-retire our thinking and forge ahead with a conviction to overcome the devastating effects of the bombardment on our finances, our property, our jobs, our incomes, and our psyche. At this time I am reminded of the famous quote from Winston Churchill delivered on October 29, 1941 as he sought to encourage the free world to fight against the tyranny of Nazi Germany.

Speaking at Harrow school Churchill spoke passionately with these words; "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never--in nothing, great or small, large or petty--never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy".

With Winston Churchill's inspirational words as a backdrop I encourage you to not let financial or other setbacks dissuade you from your mission to achieve your personal and professional goals. Now is the time to reassess your situation, make your plan and act boldly to move forward and with urgency. Now is the time to discover and leverage the unique strengths within yourself and explore those opportunities that you may not have considered before this time.

The Greatest Storms we will ever experience are within ourselves

As I write this many people are going through difficult economic times. This generally means that people are under stress and the problems within personal relationships are often magnified when financial issues are at play. Financial issues or problems with debt, income or managing money may be like a series of storms that hit and cause havoc in our lives. They are not unlike a medical crisis that not only affects us physically but also affects us emotionally with worry and fear, sometimes to great degrees of paralyzation and uncertainty. In my life I know that when trouble strikes I am inevitably reminded that I am not God, that I don't have the power to solve all my problems and that I need to "turn over" my sense of worry and fear to God or what others may call their "higher power". The "serenity prayer" is one of my strongest reminders of what I can and cannot do and when to let go and let God. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Isolation may undermine our sense of self

I have learned that isolating is a "cover" for me and I don't think it is all good. For some reason I have a tendency to pull back, keep an arms length, turn away, or otherwise seek the shelter of isolation. I think it is an expression of fear or maybe low self-esteem (which is fear). Sometimes I isolate by doing social things. I go to a social event but talk to no one. I visit the bookstore and sit in a corner. I listen to my ipod in the midst of a crowded plane. I find that in much of my work I avoid face to face encounters. Its easier over the telephone or maybe by sending an email. I tend to withdraw from any type of commitment that would take me more than a few minutes. My reading or my writing would appear to be forms of isolating. I think I have always had this tendency to "hide" or to keep to myself. And yet few, even those who know me well, would think that I isolate. I think they would see me as outgoing, engaging and entertaining. I know I have a love of people and in many ways it is easy for me to be around people. But maybe that is the "rub". Maybe it is easier for me to be around people than it is to have them be around me? Maybe it is that part of me where somewhere deep inside I don't feel I can "let them in". I started this blog session with the idea that I would write about isolation. And I now sit and write in isolation. I know it feels "safe" but it also feels lonely on this mountain.

Responsible Self Talk In Difficult Times

These are difficult times for many. The media continues to bombard us with "bad news" every day. It is easy to get caught up in the "doom and gloom". There are difficult stories everywhere and we don't have to look far in our businesses, neighborhoods or families to find examples of people struggling. And while I don't believe in looking at the world through "rose colored glasses" or being a "Pollyanna"....I do believe that our personal and shared destiny will be determined by our bravery, our attitude, our conviction and our actions in the face of adversity. I think its critical that we act professional, with kindness, that we reach out to others and give them hope, that we provide solutions, that we are each a part of the solution and not the problem.

Fear rules many people. Recent polls show a high percentage of Americans have a great fear or dread of losing their jobs. For some people this kind of fear is paralyzing. And yet, we can help each other by encouraging, by pointing out that although we have 8% unemployment we have 92% employment (which you Will never see in USA Today or The New York Times).

A long time ago I learned that saying "I will try" is often a half hearted statement that probably carried with it the expectation of failure, but when I said "I will".....there was a kind of inner commitment that heightened the probability of completion of a task or objective.

In this blog I have talked about Self Talk before, but it feels like now, more than ever positive Self Talk is more important. I encourage everyone, including myself to use: I am, I can, I will and to look for the opportunities to touch others with encouragement and a positive spirit.